In the Mix....of my Thoughts

*This is a scheduled post that's actually written on 7/6/11**

Well I have about two weeks before my move and I am despising every minute of being in Slim's presence its not that I don't love him because - I do and can't lie about my own feelings. I just need a break from him. I realized that on Saturday when I was chilling over Bricks house all day that Slim is just unhealthy for me.

Normally on weekends when I am at home, between the tension and stress that Slim and I have between each other all I want to do is have a bottle drink to take me away from myself, the situation....the reality of our unhappiness. I sat at Bricks house and never even thought of a cigarette nor a bottle of anything. I was actually relaxed and had fun just chilling and doing nothing.

Bricks is such a great guy, we have our little quarls because at this time in my life I am not entertaining breaking away from my schedule because of everything that is taking place in my life right now. I am sooo stressed the hell out and feeling totally overwhelmed with everything. Bricks gets upset because he can't have his time with me as he wants. I just can't allow another person in my life right now - I am focused man #JayZ

Yesterday I got my electricity changed to my new address, ordered my cable/Internet and told my future landlord to cash my deposit check :) Its real y'all and I go and pick up my keys this weekend!

I am praying to GOD this is the right decision and that I am doing the right thing. In my heart I feel as if I can achieve much more in my life by 30 and staying in a relationship that leaves me unhappy right now is just not conducive to anything I see in my future.

Slim is not a bad guy at all, he is a great friend, dad and lover - right now we are just poison to each other though. I look forward to 7/16....the real blog tales begin then!