I'm 30...

I don't even remember where I left off with this blog, but I am sure that my birthday has come and gone which means there is lots and lots to catch up on:

• My sister graduated HS....a couple of days following my car accident leaving the Bilal concert - which led to a 30 day decision to start new back in D.C.

• Had an awesome trip to Jamaica! It was my first trip out of the country as an adult and not a soldier. Spent some brief time over in Okinawa back in the military days

• Turned 30 years old, had a great birthday at a reggae club, said my goodbyes to my framily in Illinois and I began a new phase back home in D.C. The family I have isn't perfect but its mine. It was time to stop running and begin facing. I'd done well for almost 10 years away and now I'm back.....at 30.

• Moving back home has been a HUGE adjustment, I hit the city line on July 27th with my Uhaul packed to the limits, car in the shop in Il and a job within my company where I can retain my tenure.....all has been a blessing and I have no complaints

• My new position began on 8/4 - I can see the DC Monument from my job, its amazing. I have found that the politics in offices no matter the region are all the same players, different faces it pretty interesting from a behavioral observation.

• I ended my 8 month celibacy drought in one night and began again just days later. It wasn't a waste but definitely not exactly how I thought I would recharge the engine - lol! In the decision I lost my damn marbles a tiny bit trying to find a definition of me in the lust......thats always the worse way to reflect, through someone else. Its okay I realized just yesterday I need to get my SHIT together and begin to OWN it again. Everyone isn't worthy and I should remind myself of that often.

•  Having no vehicle has been interesting, although I plan to go retrieve my baby in the beginning of the New Year from IL - I find that I really only need it when the weekend hits and I am off. Ironically I can catch any 30 bus to get to my new job a half block from the bus stop. I can imagine only driving to work on a Friday or day when I might need to come in late/early....its no free parking here

•  Oh I found out along with the rest of my family that my sister crossed the stage pregnant....yep. She is 19 and pregnant - I feel so bad for her because she has no real hunger to achieve, like I don't know she is a statstic now and I can't fix the hunger/motivation level because it was never there. 

• Which leads me to now rethinking this living situation, it was already tight at my mom's house and with my niece on the way, I can't imagine how it will be livable. I mean just last night her babysfaaaava was throwing rocks at the window at 2:45am.....uhm I wake up at 5:45am. I WAS PISSED! I am the only one who gets up to go to work right now (again unmotivated sister).....I can only imagine how the days to come will be with a crying baby.....I need some normalcy and this hand holding lifestyle is just not for me....I am planning to move in the new year....I just can't imagine the days to come. I don't want to be bitter with my sister but it sure must be nice to get pregnant with options.....if I got pregnant I wouldn't look at "home" as an option but moreso the bottom of the barrel....I can't be dependent and she can totally do it, I'm sad to see her settle that way :-/

• Im going to continue praying over all the issues I see in my circle's lives, from my mouth to GODS ears everything will turn out for the best. I have huge goals to conquer and I can't sit to wallow in someone else's defeat....it just makes me so mad. God Bless the Child who has their Own. I love my family and the new addition on the way I'm just feeling insanity creeping in if I don't create some options for myself.

• Although I am not great at keeping up with blogging I am creating a new blog about my weekly adventures on the 30 Bus, its been quite an eye opening experience traveling up and down Penn Avenue to and from work. Some characters change some are consistent, I think its worth sharing - the things that I see weekly.