Well its been a little over a month now and we have been "dating" for more or less exclusively while I have lived in my place. In the past week since lil Slim has been home I have been giving him his space and allowing them to get into some sort of routine which would take some adjustments since I am no longer there nor volunteering to assist as much. Yesterday, Slim emailed me and asked me was I dating someone else.
We have had this conversation where I told you that staying in a relationship with only you is cool but how does that get me to the happy place in my life which is the reason we no longer live together. Us still being exclusive is about a backwards as me staying and still not getting much of what I envision from this relationship. It the same status as when we lived together.....I wasn't good enough to hold longevity in your life the "right" way that I was raised to believe is the right way after 6 years together then us living apart and doing the same things brings me closer? I think not.....I just don't want to limit myself to something that is viewed as a dead end, at least thats how I feel about being strictly monogamous with you as we were at [our old placce]. 6 years living together went nowhere and what is different now besides the addresses?This lead to a late night of conversation where he did 45 minutes worth of talking and basically telling me bottom line that "I don't want to lose my girl" and this weekend we are going to get me a small sterling silver ring until he can get the 1.5 carat I picked out years ago with him.
I am looking to bring life into the world, get married and find my spot in this nation to begin with a family. Not get caught in a relationship look up ten years later and I am at the same spot emotionally I was 4 years ago (in reference to us)
*insert sad face here with a angry black woman side eyeing the hell out the phone*
I knew it.............smh.
1 comment:
WTF???? Your life is your life but enough is enough. You are smart, beautiful inside and out, kind, loyal and deserving of the best that life has to offer. I ask you again "what is the problem here?" You are unhappy in the relationship so you moved. You are still unhappy in the relationship what's next? Move on with your life. Get out and obtain a hobby that will bring you into contact with they type of men who you want in your life. Go to church, pray that the Creator let's the right man find you and you be smart enough to recognize him even if he is not the "Prince Charming" with the cleft chin you had hoped for. Life does not have to be filled with marriage, babies, and car pooling kids back and forth to soccer practice.
Too often women get set up to think that life has to revolve around procreation, supplication , and dedication to family. That is not always true and everything is not for everybody. You can still have a fulfilling life without all the traps we women fall into. Just knowing who you are and loving yourself enough to recognize what is and what is not right for you is where the journey to self-fulfillment begins. Know this to be true if nothing else in life ever is' there are people who love you for EXACTLY who you are out here and we don't care if you ever have babies, a husband or a car pool.
"stepping down off the soap box amid scattered applause.
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